


[lovely degenerates]

by autumntoash



Series: Autumn's Favourite Fanfics! [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF, mcyt
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Dysfunctional Family, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Gremlin TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Implied Relationships, Multi, One Big Happy Family, Other, Platonic Relationships, Platonic Soulmates, Secret Relationship, chatfic, eret and tubbo sibling pog, niki and ranboo are also siblings, purpled and punz are brothers, sbi family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:06:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28231392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autumntoash/pseuds/autumntoash
Summary: dream has added georgenotfound, sapnap, and 33 others to [New GC]dream has renamed the chat to [lovely degenerates]dream: alright which one of you owns a copy of how to sex 3--or: a chatfic inspired by the dozens of other ones on this site.UNI AUcw: background/secret/joke relationships included :]enjoy my projecting and prods at real things
Relationships: Antfrost/VelvetIsCake (Video Blogging RPF), Eret & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Everyone & Everyone, Grayson | Purpled & Luke | Punz, Niki | Nihachu & Ranboo, Tommyinnit & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, joke relationships, platonic - Relationship
Series: Autumn's Favourite Fanfics! [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2179596
Comments: 52
Kudos: 571





	1. georgenotfound: ha get fucked

**Author's Note:**

> name of the group chat inspired by an actual group i'm in, thank you to my friends at Lovely Degenerates for the name idea. love you four <3
> 
> join my epic discord : https://discord.gg/nkaNK9uEPZ

_ dream has added georgenotfound, sapnap , and 33 others to [new gc] _

_ dream has renamed the group chat to [lovely degenerates] _

dream: alright which one of you owns a copy of How To Sex 3?

_ tommyinnit has changed their name to BIG MAN _

dream: tommy.

ph1lza: i'm pretty sure sapnap has a copy. he was reading one of the versions in my class today. and he thought i wouldn't notice.

sapnap: i thought i was being secretive!!

georgenotfound: ha get fucked

dream: george kiss me

georgenotfound: no.

BIG MAN: EYYYY HELLO BIG D

dream: please don't call me that ever again

BIG MAN: Ok small D

dream: ...

sapnap: lmao u broke him

_ sapnap has changed georgenotfound's name to georgie _

_ georgie has changed sapnap's name to snapmap _

snapmap: george i hate you

georgie: </3

_ technoblade has changed dream's name to little pissbaby man _

technoblade: shhh he wont notice

wilbur soot: LMAOO

[nihachu: hello!!

cptpuffy: niki! my love <3

nihachu: <3

purpled: i just got out of class, how about the rest of you guys?

nihachu: me and puffy are doing our library shift!

snapmap: me, george and dream are in physics

technoblade: i am in english, again

wilbur soot: i am uh

ph1lza: wilbur is supposed to be in my class. i am currently hunting him down.

wilbur soot: oahgejgJGJGAJFDUYSGJJSFGJKDSBkbdskjbskjdbkla

purpled: wtf

wilbur soot: phil has the phone now

purpled: anyways

spifey: hello, what is this?

purpled: this is the lovely degenerates gc, I assume you were invited because you were at least mutuals with dream

spifey: oh lmao ok goin back to algebruh now

punz: purpled

purpled: punz

punz: kidnpa me from biology ples

purpled: you owe me 25

punz: deal

snapmap: george come back

spifey: which one

snapmap: shit theres more than one

georgie: spifey lets meet up at the east wing, we can be the george boy band

spifey: deal

tubbo: hi! i am on my brake!!

nihachu: hi rubbo!

tubbo: do u know were ranboo is?

nihachu: i believe he is in english. he said something about a project he had due today, so I don't think you guys can hang out

tubbo: :( 

tubbo: tommy r u free

BIG MAN: yes i am on break tubbo

ponk: can someone please explain why purpled came in, screamed "bedwars combo", knocked out the teacher, and threw punz over his shoulder, and then ran out screaming?

snapmap: punz asked purpled to kidnap him from biology

awesamdude: he STOLE my biology partner >:(

punz: sorry dude we can meet up after school. 3 pm?

awesamdude: sounds good

technoblade: im gonna do it

ph1lza: techno no

ph1lza:  **@fundy** you have 10 seconds to run, Techno's planning murder since Wilbur disowned you

fundy: wait what

fundy: oh n

tubbo: me and tommy just herd somone scream

ph1lza: that was probably fundy

tubbo: oh no fundy :(

fundy: orphan obliterated. i have his phone now.

wilbur soot: i got my phone back, anyways what the fuck techno

badboyhalo: language!!

skeppy: f word

little pissbaby man: i think that's the best spelling i've seen out of skeppy

skeppy: fjjijkc off

wilbur soot: lmao

BIG MAN: wilbur

BIG MAN: Wilbur Soot

wilbur soot: tommy???

BIG MAN: you have 10 seconds to run bitch

wilbur soot: what are you going to do to me huh?

tubbo: i just watched tommy tacle wilbur 

technoblade: wait is this bully wilbur day

wilbur soot: NOOOOOOOOOO

technoblade: this is a great day

spifey: me and george(notfound) formed jorge, the band and we recruited some other georges

georgie: spifey is the guitarist, i am the drums player, george 1 is the lead singer and lead guitarist, george 2 is the other singer/guitarist guy and george 3 is the other other guitarist

little pissbaby man: i heard them talking. they're ALL british

wilbur soot: do you guys know how to play???

georgie: surprisingly yes

technoblade: i would pay to see this band

spifey: really

technoblade: break me out of all three of my math classes and ill give you guys 75 dollars

georgie: like right now?

technoblade: yes

spifey: ill let the other georges know

\--

Amused, Techno put his phone down on the table, and waited. Any second now, 5 British dudes named George were going to bust into his math class and steal him. And all he had to do was pay them $75. Amazing. He heard latino styled music coming down the hall, and then heard it even louder as the George band (+Quackity, who was screaming spanish words) broke into his class. They all immediately picked up Techno in a weird fashion where they all had a limb somehow, and sped out as fast as they came in as Techno’s math class busted out laughing.

\--

quackity: ME PERDONAAAAS

technoblade: thank you guys

little pissbaby man: wait why is my name little pissbaby man and who did this

snapmap: its cuz ur a pissbaby

fundy: IM FREEEE

cptpuffy: finally school is over

eret: just got out of testing, man that sucked.

ranboo: niki

nihachu: hi ranboo!

ranboo: niki i am so tired

nihachu: please sleep ranboo

ranboo: goodnight then 

nihachu: goodnight ranboo!! <3

tubbo: goodnight ranboo!

BIG MAN: GOODNIGHT RANBOOB

**[1 AM]**

[BIG MAN]: wilbur please shut the fuck up i am trying to sleep

wilbur soot: oops

_ little pissbaby man changed the name of  _ **_36_ ** _ people. See list  _ _ Here. _


	2. dre: it's me drista, the superior sibling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> USERNAMES FOR REFERENCE:
> 
> Dream : green man  
> George : george #1  
> Sapnap : pandas  
> Antfrost : ant man  
> Velvet : velv  
> Bad : dad  
> Skeppy : skpepey  
> Spifey : george #2  
> Vurb : toe guy  
> Zelk : elk  
> TapL : tepl  
> Captain Puffy : puffy  
> Niki Nihachu : niki  
> Tubbo : toob  
> Tommy : little innit  
> Wilbur : music man  
> Technoblade : pvp god  
> Phil : father phil  
> Purpled : purpld  
> Punz : puns  
> Eret : bicon  
> Schlatt : jmoney  
> Quackity : me gusta  
> Ponk : pponk  
> Ranboo : if the crown fits  
> Connor : conar  
> Callahan : calla  
> Alyssa : lyssa  
> Jack : manifold  
> Karl : carl  
> Drista : dre  
> Hbomb : bomb  
> Mega : ihateallofyou  
> Finn : egirl  
> Awesamdude : sam  
> Fundy : furr

_[chat style has changed.]_

[6 AM]

green man: good morning

george #1: hi

purpld: hello. i have a plan.

if the crown fits: oh no

purpld: ranboo, tommy, tubbo, and drista, meet me in room 243 by 8 am

if the crown fits: wait i didnt even know drista was here

dre: i have not spoken until now

dre: hello

dre: it's me drista, the superior sibling

green man: who even let you in

dre: you did

green man: oh fuck

toe guy: hey 

tepl: oh god please no

toe guy: ;)))))

tepl: george not found can i hire you and the jorges to protect me from this weirdo

george #1: how much are you offering

tepl: my firstborn son

george #1: and that is who

tepl: **@skpepey**

george #1: deal

skpepey: wait wgat

toob: i just woek up hi

bicon: hello tubbo i have just woken up too

toob: eret!!

puns: jkzbdvxjxhdkbf jhfndsb jzhbvj shizfhsdiojfpsikkkkkkkkkk

toob: is he okay

green man: i may or may not have just tackled him

green man: oh shit he bleeding

green man: oh n

puns: just killed a man

if the crown fits: oh no that does not sound good

carl: what the honk why is my name carl

pandas: its funny karl

carl: why are you named something decent while im literally named CARL

pvp god: carl? as in the horse?

father phil: oh no

father phil: karl if you have a bully problem it’s gone now since techno’s got a horse named carl and he’s going to be clingy

music man: i have never heard of techno being clingy

carl: he is cuddling me.

carl: this is oddly comforting

music man: he is WHAT

pvp god: karl i will protect you 

carl: will you also protect sapnap and quackity they are my fiances

pvp god: yes

carl: he literally broke the common room door down to cuddle me

jmoney: can you guys NOT be gay at 6 am please it’s gross

pvp god: you’re just mad you can’t have in

pandas: i walked into the common room and not only is bad dead, but techno is legit just SITTING on karl

pvp god: it’s consensual

carl: yes

father phil: is bad still coming to class

pandas: if he’s alive

father phil: the other question is are YOU coming to class, sapnap

pandas: phil please 

father phil: quackity come get your man

**_seen by me gusta at 6:40 AM_ **

pandas: oh n

egirl: so i just saw quackity threaten sapnap to go to class or he’ll beat his ass

little innit: hey i was thinking

bicon: that’s dangerous, go on

little innit: since fundy is a fox, and is technically a furry

jmoney: wait what are you saying

little innit: isn’t puffy a sheep

jmoney: someone FINALLY understands

little innit: so you’re saying that you’re a furry

jmoney: wait 

little innit: JSCHLATT FURRY CONFIRMED

pponk: schlatt looks like he’s ready to murder someone

music man: wait you’re his roommate

pponk: i’m not, quackity is and i’m over here to get him his chancla

pandas: CHANCLA????

me gusta: death is present for you, mi amor

pandas: WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS

skpepey: so arw e goinsn to ignerki thts tehcnoblade has karl un hisn arms rifght niw??

little innit: UNLESS YOU WANT TO DIE, YES

**[8 AM]**

toob: halp

niki: oh no what happened tubbo?

toob: i think someoen brok into my hall :(

niki: oh no!!

pvp god: on my way.

toob: ?

carl: i am coming with as well techno convinced me to leave biology

pandas: you’re leaving me? :(

carl: you have physics with quackity, you’ll live

me gusta: he won’t live if he doesn’t show up

me gusta: this is a threat mi amor, ponk brought me la chancla.

green man: he used periods, this is serious

bicon: hello!

little innit: HELLO ERET! HOW ARE YOU DOING BI ICON?

bicon: hello tommy! i am doing good, how about you?

little innit: I AM DOING AMAZING AS ALWAYS

purpld: hello today i am going to rescue philza minecraft from his own class

father phil: that is correct

music man: how did that even happen or get planned

purpld: phil’s 12 pm class (aka when my break is) is a bit too much for him to handle, so he called in a sub and he’s having me break him out of class

purpld: kinda weird considering he literally has wings but since we’re going out a window i get to fly

father phil: it’s only fair

music man: who else here is a hybrid? i’m a sheep

music man: it might sound weird but i haven’t seen any of you guys’ hybrid traits (i assume you hid them) other than my family

green man: since i know everything that ever happens i will tell you

green man: i am half wither, george is human, sapnap is part blaze, ant is part cat, velvet is human, bad is part bat, skeppy is human, spifey is human, vurb is human, zelk is part elk, tapl is human, puffy is part mountain goat, niki is slightly part enderman, tubbo is part ram, tommy is a phoenix, technoblade is part piglin, phil is an albatross, purpled is human, punz is human, eret is part something (not sure), schlatt is part ram, quackity is a duck (just the wings), ponk is human, ranboo is half enderman, half something else, connor is human, callahan is part deer, alyssa is human, jack is human, karl is human, drista is half wither, hbomb is human, mega is human, finn is human, awesamdude is a creeper hybrid, and fundy is a fox hybrid.

music man: that is a lot of words

green man: i am educated

bicon: we all are, we are all in college

connor: i have been mentioned

jmoney: CONAR

connor: nevermind

jmoney: :(

music man: never have i ever seen schlatt put a frowny face in any of his texts

dre: there is a first for everything

bomb: what time is it

dre: 9

bomb: thanks

dre: no problem

**[11 AM]**

egirl: **@bicon** hey can you help me pick out dresses?

bicon: sure! meet me in cafe b :)

furr: eret are we still set for lunch at 4 with niki?

bicon: yes

ant man: dream can we do irl manhunt

green man: yes. soon. get bad george and napsap

george #1: dream i have practice and we all have class

green man: oops

pvp god: me and karl have successfully gotten tubbo out of his hall.

carl: yes we had to beat the honk out of some people but we have achieved our goal

toob: never hav i ever seen two pepole fight so vilently for me

carl: we love you tubbo

toob: :)

dad: O_o

pponk: hey is anyone here good at english

pvp god: i am literally an english major

pponk: can you help me with this essay thing

pvp god: yes i can 

pponk: i’m in cafe c

pvp: omw

carl: **@little innit** can you come get tubbo? i have history

little innit: SURE BIG MAN

carl: thank you :)

toob: tommy!!!

niki: **@father phil** can i skip your class? since you aren’t going to be there

father phil: only this once

elk: wait do i have mr minecraft’s class at 12

niki: yes :) we were partners in the last project

purpld: philza minecraft are you ready for me to break you out

father phil: please do i’m ready for it

\--

Once seeing the go ahead, Purpled swung into the classroom via an open window. Students, who just sat down, looked up in confusion and the kids who were talking stopped upon seeing the college sophomore bust into their classroom through the window. Their teacher, Professor Philza Minecraft, looked up as he was (somehow) picked up by Purpled.

“TEACHER HEIST” Purpled shouted as Phil flew them both out the window and into the courtyard. 

\--

father phil: thank you purpled :)

purpld: you’re welcome :D

father phil: make sure to do your work 

purpld: okay

jmoney: hey flatty patty

me gusta: no

music man: LMAOOO

sam: can anyone help me with redstone?

furr: i can!

sam: redstone nerds? :)

furr: redstone nerds!! :D

**[4 PM]**

george #1: **@green man** i’m out of band practice

green man: finally. **@pandas @ant man @dad** meet us at the courtyard island

little innit: wait the courtyard has an ISLAND??

green man: yes it does

puffy: may i watch your manhunt?

green man: yes you can

music man: **@everyone** lets go watch the manhunt :)

\--

Dream, George, Sapnap, Bad and Ant watched as pretty much everyone from the group chat came. Even people who hadn’t spoken, such as Callahan and Alyssa showed up. They all took seats out of the way, so that they wouldn’t get hurt on purpose. As usual, the hunters surrounded Dream, but this time he shoved Bad and sprinted towards where the Sleepy Bois family was sitting, jumping over a laughing Wilbur and a screaming Tommy. He weaved through a crowd of freshmen, jumping on a table and then climbing up the West Hall’s wall, jumping from ledge to ledge as Sapnap and George followed from directly behind and Ant and Bad followed from the ground. Dream maneuvered himself so he was ready to push off the ledge. He had a water bucket out, and then he _jumped._ To the surprised shouts of others and the hunters, he landed his MLG water bucket. 

Now for a little bit of context. How do you win Manhunt? You win Manhunt when you get to the 10th floor of the East Dorms, where in room 10F there is an ender dragon model on one of the tables. Once you get there, the door is unlocked and you press a button on the ender dragon, sending a ping to the hunter’s communicators that looks like this:

_Dream has made the advancement [Free the End]_

That’s how you win. You can also die in this game, but you don’t actually die. All people playing manhunt wear an armour piece that must be visible and beeps when you tag it. It’s in the center of your chest. When you get ‘tagged’ (basically get poked with a special sword) it sends a message to everyone playing Manhunt that looks like this:

_GeorgeNotFound has been slain by Dream_

Bad and Ant quickly advanced on Dream due to them being on the ground. Dream noticed and climbed a tree in the courtyard, swinging through tree to tree and almost taking off Ranboo’s crown, the before mentioned ducking his head to avoid just that. Dream climbed the gazebo in the center of the courtyard and quickly turned around to knock Sapnap off, the latter of which almost catching him. Dream was not prepared, however, for George to tag him, sending a message that was painfully visible, amongst a screaming Dream and laughing George.

_Dream has been slain by GeorgeNotFound_

They slowly made their way back to the rest of their friends, laughing and cracking jokes about how Sapnap fell off the gazebo roof and _moaned_ (jokingly, of course) to which Dream responded (“You masochist!”).

\--

**[7 PM]**

green man: i am going to bed i am exhausted

father phil: goodnight dream, make sure to study when you wake up tomorrow

george #1: but it’s saturday tomorrow

father phil: you have a few tests next week

pandas: im also going to sleep

ant man: me too, **@velv** please come here we can cuddle

velv: sure <3

dad: :)

dad: i’ll be up a little bit longer, i’m helping skeppy with something

skpepey: thabbjks bad

egirl: skeppy after you need to attend the idots weekly cuddle pile

egirl: vurb’s hosting

toe guy: i promise i won’t do anything weird with toes

tepl: i really hope you can keep that

george #2: sweet! ill be over soon

music man: technoblade are you going to be in our dorm room tonight?

pvp god: probably not, you get the whole dorm to yourself

music man: is it okay if i invite l’manburg for a sleepover

pvp god: yeah, just tell em to stay out of my room

music man: awesome!! **@niki @little innit @toob @furr @bicon** l’manburg sleepover?

bicon: i’m surprised i’m invited, but sure :)

music man: it was a mistake on your part and since you accepted that i forgive you

little innit: I AM GOING.

toob: tommy and i will be their soon :D

niki: **@if the crown fits** are you going to be with anyone tonight? i’m going to go to this

if the crown fits: i can see if drista and purpled want to have a minors sleepover minus tommy and tubbo

dre: YES.

purpld: i’m down

if the crown fits: okay epic. drista can it be in your dorm

dre: yes it can

niki: **@music man** yes i can go :)

furr: i am already there

me gusta: im going to sleep goodnight mi amigos and amigas

niki: goodnight quackity!!

if the crown fits: goodnight quackity

jmoney: goodnight

music man: goodnight :)

father phil: sleep well, quackity

carl: goodnight!

**[10 PM]**

toob: techno are you awake

pvp god: yes i am

toob: wen we wake up tomorrow can you help me with my english sa?

pvp god: yes

toob: thank you :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i will edit chapter one to fit the text style of this chapter soon :)


	3. toob: god is dead, i want to commit various degrees of murder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They host a baking competiton. Part 1.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I didn't do anything for a few weeks, been working on other stuff and I literally have to go to school in half an hour.

**[4 AM]**

toob: i have never wanted to punt a child more in my life

music man: ???? tubbo??????

little innit: i can confirm big man, tubbo is fuming right now

music man: why???

toob: i am filled with rage.

father phil: he is using periods, god is dead.

pvp god: tubbo would you like an axe

toob: yes 

music man: its??? 4 am???????

toob: god is dead, i want to commit various degrees of murder.

jmoney: the fact that he is using correct grammar is terrifying

little innit: techno just gave him an axe.

little innit: @everyone if your friends don't wake up later tubbo has an axe

little innit: oh god hes chasing me

little innit: oh n

**[6 AM]**

_ pvp god changed little innit’s name to deadinnit _

pvp god: he showed up at my dorm, hurt and shaken up, and then he passed out

pvp god: tubbo what did you do

_ father phil changed deadinnit’s name to dweadinnituwu _

_ father phil changed dweadinnituwu’s name to deadinnit _

music man: HWAT

pvp god: wtf

green man: phil….?

toob: oh my god

pandas: LMAOOO

father phil: we do not speak about this

father phil: or else ill

music man: ????

dad: good morning :D!!

pandas: good morning bad

father phil: good morning

dad: good morning sappynappy, good morning mr minecraft

father phil: you can call me phil

dad: okay phil!! owo

green man: i want to go steal something

**[9 AM]**

skpepey: where is my peanut butter

music man: uh oh

toob: i herd screams is everything ok

skpepey: defingiytsly

furr: i got stuck in the wall, help

father phil: how did that even happen

furr: i tried to kool aid my way into my dorm.

father phil: i am disappointed and also amazed

pvp god: he sighed and got up from the couch

green man: hey we r hosting a baking competition later since we got permission from the principal guy whos in  **@everyone**

green man: we’re going to do it around 12pm today

purpld: can we do it at 12:30 i have a tutor class that ends at 12:15

green man: yes we can

music man: im in

toob: me!!!

pvp god: i will be there on ONE condition.

pvp god: that is. 

pvp god: i can stream.

green man: deal

pvp god: YEESSSSSSSS. THE CLOUT.

carl: me sapnap and quackmeister will be there

father phil: expect me and tommy

dad: me, skeppy, sam, ant and velvet are going to be there >.<!!

george #1: i will go

george #2: me too

george #2: the rest of the idots told me to tell you that they will be there

dre: i will be making my famed appearance.

deadinnit: oh my god

deadinnit: im not dead who changed my name

_ deadinnit changed their name to little innit _

little innit: much better

pponk: ill be there..!

if the crown fits: i will also be there, prepared to get rekt

niki: me and puffy will be there :D

green man: :D

puns:  **@purpld** if you’re goig i am too

purpld: of course

bicon: schlatt told me to tell you guys he’s going

bicon: on that note, i’m also going

conar: i’ll go, please don’t kidnap me like last time

pvp god: no promises

conar: man

lyssa: me and callahan are overseas, sorry :d

green man: it’s okay alyssa

manifold: i will grace my appearance

bomb: nya

furr: he’s going. dressed as a catboy maid.

furr: i’m unfortunately going

green man: so that’s everyone, but callahan and alyssa. okay, we’ll select the teams when we get to the culinary hall.

green man: i already reserved the whole floor so nobody will walk in

george #1: haha wonderful

pandas: so no repeat of last time

green man: …

toob: what hapend last time?

george #1: basically we were streaming in one of the culinary rooms and while dream was explaining how he once ate cat shit someone walked in and guess who it was

george #1: it was fucking jschlatt

george #1: and the dude just starts laughing hysterically at dream’s expense because who eats cat shit??

george #1: we had to explain to our stream that the person in the background laughing their ass off was not famed youtuber jschlatt and is just a family member

jmoney: it was very hard to not just scream “dick and balls” and leave the room. very fucking hard.

george #1: i have no idea what we would do if you did

toob: that is glorios

music man: one time me, tommy and phil were walking outside and i dared tommy to go up to someone and be like “you’re my girlfriend now” and the little shit did it

little innit: in my defense you threatened me, and the woman was cool with it

father phil: you did threaten tommy, wil

music man: this is slander

**[12:30]**

I don’t know what you would’ve thought about 33 college students (+1 highschooler, but drista, as a senior does not give no fucks) walking into one culinary floor with some cameras, but i’m 80% sure you would’ve thought “oh shit”.

Out of everyone, since this was being livestreamed, and not everyone had done a face reveal, a select few people were wearing masks or face coverings of some sort, those being Dream, Drista, and Mega. Dream for obvious reasons, was wearing a white smiley face mask, Drista was wearing a similar mask to her older brother, except it depicted a ^-^ face.

Dream clapped his hands, getting the attention of everyone in the room, somehow.

“Okay everyone, since there are 34 of us, there will be one team of two, and eight teams of four. Got it?”

The surrounding crowd murmured among themselves and the general population of them nodded along in understanding. Dream pulls out a bowl of papers and opens his mouth (though not really visible to the people around him, courtesy of the mask.) to explain the bowl.

“Since most people here have their friends and family they’re familiar with, I decided to put everyone’s name in a bowl and draw from the bowl to decide teams for you. I don’t know what we’re going to get, but since i know for a fact that none of you hate each other with a burning passion, this should be relatively easy.”

Dream did a one armed jazz hand and everyone kept their eyes on the bowl (or Dream’s hand) as he reached in and pulled out a slip of paper. Before revealing who’s name was on the paper, Dream pulled over a stool and a whiteboard, presumably to write the teams on. After writing out team numbers, he unfolded the piece of paper.

“For our first member of Team 1, we have Wilbur.”

Wilbur’s shoulders untensed, as he didn’t have to be in the suspense. He curiously looked at Dream again though, waiting for paper number two.

“Team 1, Schlatt”

Schlatt and Wilbur looked at eachother with the same expression you’d only find in mischievous children. Uh oh, Phil thought. Someone was getting pranked.

“Team 1, Fundy”

“MY SON.”

Fundy just groaned and went to stand next to Wilbur and Schlatt.

“And to top off Team 1, Hbomb.”

Fundy screamed. The world was out to get him today it seemed.

One long team choosing process later, we had the teams are as followed:

Team 1: Schlatt, Wilbur, Fundy and Hbomb

Team 2: Antfrost, Puffy, Vurb, and Zelk (Zelk panicked. Not Vurb, oh no his toes.)

Team 3: Tapl, Spifey, George, and Sapnap

Team 4: Quackity, Niki, Tommy, and Eret

Team 5: Phil, Tubbo, Purpled and Punz

Team 6: Bad, Skeppy, Dream, and Velvet

Team 7: Ponk, Connor, Jack and Mega

Team 8: Drista, Ranboo, Finn and Sam

Team 9: Karl and Technoblade

Now came the topic of streaming. Techno had already asked to stream, and there were multiple cameras, so to hell with it, we will stream.

After some thoughtful arguing, the people streaming were decided:

Team 1: Wilbur

Team 2: Puffy

Team 3: George

Team 4: Tommy

Team 5: Tubbo

Team 6: Dream

Team 7: Connor

Team 8: Ranboo

Team 9: Karl

It was honestly a surprise that Techno had given up streaming to Karl, but it went on wordlessly that Karl would be the one streaming this weird event. Techno slid his pink braid back down his back, to keep it out of the way. The two of them set up a computer setup with Karl’s stream stuff off to the side, and pitched up a camera which displayed most of the room in frame, which included a counter, a very large fridge, and several cabinets. Deemed ready to stream, Techno texted Dream, indicating that both he and Karl were ready.

Meanwhile, everything but chaos was happening in Team 4’s room. Combining Tommy and Quackity was a really, really, really bad idea, because the while the two of them apart are chaotic, it only gets worse when they’re together. It doesn’t cancel out, it combines. Neither Eret nor Niki minded though. They had pranks of their own played, as long as it didn’t concern the eggs. Once her and Eret (with the help of Tommy and Quackity) set up their stuff, they texted Dream, saying they were ready. 

Dream then contacted a friend of theirs that went to that college, Mr Beast. Dream asked him to be the judge, and he accepted. He would arrive after everyone was done, and judge them.

One last check of supplies, and when everyone was confirmed to have the same stuff, they all went live.

**WilburSoot is live: Cooking Competition at College ft. Schlatt, Fundy, Hbomb**

**CaptainPuffy is live: College stream that probably will go wrong w/ Antfrost, JustVurb and Zelk**

**GeorgeNotFound is live: Minecraft, but it’s not Minecraft but actually my college. ft. Sapnap, Spifey, TapL**

**tommyinnit is live: COLLEGE STREAM WITH QUACKITY ERET NIKI**

**Tubbo is live: Me, Philza, Purpled and Punz try to win a baking competition at college.**

**dreamwastaken is live: baking competition but i’m with BadBoyHalo, Skeppy, and VelvetIsCake**

**ConnorEatsPants is live: hopefully not dying at college with Ponk, Jack Manifold, and MegaPVP**

**RanbooLive is live: Today i am at college with Drista, Finn and Sam. We are going to bake.**

**karljacobs is live: Baking at college with Technoblade**

Uh oh, there goes Twitter. Guess we forgot to mention we all go to college together.

Wilbur is having a great time. Schlatt is somehow doing really well, but Wilbur is covered in flour, and he’s about to make sure Fundy is, too. He’s the Dirty Crime Boi! Oh yeah, he’s live in front of 60 thousand people, too. He’s hiding behind a counter now, ready to spook Fundy. Hbomb is wearing cat ears and a maid dress, and causing Fundy at least 50% stress, because he’s meowing. Pure chaos is this, they’re distracted. At least Schlatt’s somehow doing the cake they decided on, but Wilbur doesn’t know if he even knows how to use the oven.

Puffy is surprised. Her team, despite being so utterly random that they had to introduce themselves (besides Vurb and Zelk), is actually doing pretty well. They’re baking cupcakes, and besides the occasional joke from someone, they’re having a good time.

Sapnap didn’t actually expect George to pull out a saxophone out of literally nowhere and play music on it. “What the fuck George” he had said. Because who plays a saxophone while mixing batter? Literally no one, well, George apparently. Other than random jokes, the group eased into light banter, getting along really well.

Eret should’ve known that this was not going to go well. It started with Quackity  _ eating _ the flour, and now he’s telling Tommy to put a raw egg in his mouth and chomp on it. Oh god he actually did, now he’s screaming live in front of 70k people what the actual. He and Niki are just trying to bake cookie cupcakes, but with the rate they’re going, it’ll never happen. Niki just threw a chocolate chip at Quackity, and now there’s a chocolate chip war. Help.

Phil honestly didn’t think it would go so well. He thought that having Purpled and his brother Punz, along with Tubbo, would end up in chaos as he heard next door. But no, it was just banter in here, with the occasional flour flick at someone. It was peaceful, until Tubbo started chanting “WE DIDN’T START THE FIRE, IT WAS ALWAYS BURNING SINCE THE WORLD’S BEEN TURNING!!” Other than that, it was peaceful.

Dream knew that his fans thought that there would be a face reveal. Surprise, no. He and Velvet got along pretty well, as Skeppy and Bad argued in the background. It ended when Bad threatened divorce, at then which Dream said

“So you’re married?”

Chat went  _ wild _ .

Connor thought that this group would be full of arguments. It wasn’t. Mega had pulled a whiteboard in so he could communicate, and he was pretty polite. Ponk and Jack were nice, and this weird combination of people didn’t feel too bad together.

Sam  _ knew _ deep down that Ranboo and Drista were two elements of chaos. What he didn’t expect was that Finn was, too. They all still contributed to the baking, which Sam was forever grateful for, but they committed acts of chaos in the background. At one point. Finn left for fifteen minutes and came back as an e girl, at which everyone laughed about.

Karl and Techno were having a great time. They cracked jokes and baked, and they were doing the best out of everyone, actually at the point where they put their cake in the oven and were now just talking while cleaning up the kitchen mess. Something that Karl didn’t expect was Techno, with his hands covered in flour, to walk up to Karl, and boop his nose.

“Boop.”

“TECHNO!”


	4. little innit: never underestimate the power of SELL FOOT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter four... it's here..  
> almost a month of procrastinating LOL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> L for Fundy, you'll know why

Dream had ended up dragging a man named Mr. Beast into judging the creations the college students had created. How? Nobody really knew how he dragged him into it or why he even agreed in the first place. Everyone was standing behind their creations, and some looked better than others, and the same thing probably applied to taste. Mr. Beast decided that he would taste it in order of teams, so he walked over to Schlatt’s table first, and took the slice they offered him.

“Not too bad, but your cake is kinda undercooked. Other than that, it’s fine.”

Wilbur gave Mr. Beast a thumbs up. Schlatt smiled his charismatic smile, Fundy wanted to die, and Hbomb nya’d.

Next up was the thrown together team that was Puffy’s team. Despite literally everyone in the team not knowing anyone well (besides Vurb and Zelk, for reasons), they managed to pull it off really well.

“Good job, you four! It was good.” Mr. Beast smiled.

Puffy and Antfrost smiled, and Zelk was currently trying not to die at Vurb’s hand.

Moving on, was George’s team. Their cake was  _ themed. _ It was band themed, and kind of sloppy, because of Sapnap, but it was a cake and that’s all that mattered.

“It’s overcooked, and a little sweet, but you tried.”

“FUCK YEAH, WE POPPED OFF!!” Sapnap screamed, causing George, Spifey and Tapl to scream as well. Mr. Beast moved on silently.

Mr. Beast wasn’t sure what to expect with Tommy and Quackity in the same team, but this cake was pretty good, except for the.. the..

Except for the fucking plastic baby inside of the cake.

Mr. Beast only smiled at them, and Quackity started singing about Jesus, autotuned. Eret and Niki clapped loudly as Tommy just leaned his head back and  _ screamed _ like a feral gremlin, which is what he was.

We don’t even talk about Team Five. Punz was dead, apparently. Tubbo had done everything in his power to be a gremlin, and as a result of the Purpled-Tubbo terrorizing Punz shenanigan, Phil was the one to actually make the cake, which was .. on fire??

“It’s. Burning?”

“Yeah. Just try it.”

“I don’t even want to admit that it’s as good as it is.”

Phil just laughed.

Dream and Velvet had been the only ones to put effort into the cake (A red-velvet cake, clever.), because Bad and Skeppy were just arguing the whole time. They decided to make a marriage cake topper look like Bad and Skeppy, and added it at the last minute.

“I’ve always liked velvet, nice job.”

“I really hope you mean the cake and not me.” 

There’s no helping Team Seven. Mega had written “FUCK YOU” with frosting on the cake, and they just kinda left it.

“Surprisingly good cake.”

Mega moved his hands quickly.

“I don’t even want to try and translate that.”

‘Fuck you.’

Ranboo was smiling, which should’ve been the precursor as to what would be happening. Everyone, even his own teammates were confused when Mr. Beast took a bite and the cake was filled with spaghetti.

“What- I- Huh? How??”

“I don’t even want to know.”

Ranboo started cackling at that. “You poor fools.”

Karl and Techno’s cake was by far one of the best cakes of the nine groups.

“Phenomenal.”

“Thanks, I try.”

....

Ranboo’s group ended up winning, somehow.

**[4 PM]**

green man: how did ranboos group even win

if the crown fits: :)

music man: that smile concerns me. 

if the crown fits: one time i put a cinnamon roll in my cereal

music man: scratch that, ranboo concerns me in general

pandas: hey who wants to commit arson

george #1: no

pandas: heart been broke so many times

green man: that was my thing

pandas: suck it green boy

music man: sapnap really be unoriginal today

little innit: lmao bitch

pandas: how does one Exterminate A Child™

pvp god: who when where

pandas: tommy now dorms

pvp god: can't 

pandas: why tho

pvp god: 

father phil: he means you’re interrupting his cuddle time

pandas: oh

pandas: i understand, have a nice day sir

pvp god: thank you

niki: ranboo please how did you even manage to get the spaghetti in the cake in the first place

niki: i trusted you

if the crown fits: i have my ways

puffy: his face tho

furr: i suffered today and it’s all because of  **@bomb**

_ bomb has changed their name to catboy _

music man: HAHAHA

pvp god: LOOOOOOL

catboy: nya

furr: i hate it here

green man: any askers

carl: OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH

pvp god: absolute destruction

me gusta: DREAMMM

me gusta: POPPIN OFFFF

pandas: don’t feed his ego it’ll get too big and he will suddenly combust

little innit: hey can you guys donate feet i don't need to know where they came from i just need them

music man: tommy

little innit: wilbur

music man: omw

green man: wtf

music man: we don't ask questions

little innit: feet acquired

music man: you’re not even going to ask how i got these?

little innit: business is business, wilbur 

if the crown fits: may i ask what you do with these feet

little innit: no

if the crown fits: alright then

**[7 PM]**

_ pandas has changed their name to arson _

arson: um so

george #1: what did you do

arson: we may or may not be having school for a few weeks

green man: what????

music man: fuck yeah

little innit: awesome, gives me more time to  **_s e l l f o o t._ **

father phil: oh god

father phil: and yeah i did know about that

george #2: great job sapnap

tepl: sap you’ve caused a bad thing now spifey has no reason to move from his position of sitting on my legs

george #2: no amount of prayers can save you now

tepl: AAAAAAAAAAAAA

me gusta: guys karl just bit me

arson: ????

carl: its because you told me that you’re planning a murder

me gusta: but??? murdering techno?????

carl: I Want My Cuddles

me gusta: ????????????????? TECHNO??????????????????

toob: i have Several Questions

carl: shh tubbo

toob: why tho

pvp god: not even going to ask

carl: hi techno

toob:  **@little innit** there flerting

toob:  **@little innit** there flerting

toob:  **@little innit** there flerting

toob:  **@little innit** there flerting

toob:  **@little innit** there flerting

toob:  **@little innit** there flerting

toob:  **@little innit** there flerting

little innit: !!

little innit: tubbo i am in the shower

toob: oh sorry

music man: he’s bathing

music man: and takes fucking forever

little innit: there is more than one bathroom on this floor you dumb fuck

music man: oh

pvp god: L

toob: L

jmoney: L

music man: where did you come from???

jmoney: my mother

pvp god: LOOOOL LLL

little innit: Man.

toob: Woman.

little innit: PogChamp

furr: my little pogchamp

pvp god: oh god

father phil: fundy

father phil: never say that

father phil: he’ll send a fucking copypasta

little innit: too late 

little innit: I am sick of seeing this overused and unfunny animation. “Oh she says pogchamp! That’s funny!” No you fucking neanderthal, it’s not. It wasn’t funny the first time, and it still isn’t funny the 40th time. This should have been nothing more than a random animation. One random fucking animation someone made. The animator didn’t intend anything else but to make an animation to fit a pre-existing meme voiceover, but for some ungodly reason all of these “meme community” fuckers have to beat it to death for being a clip where “le epic twitch emote is mentioned by a sexy anime girl!!” There is no punchline. None of the material in this “meme” sets up any expectation and neither does it break any of those said expectations in what we would refer to as “humor”. On all levels, on every imaginable criteria, this is not funny. I do not understand how an entire community can have a sense of humor that is so revoltingly awful. I do not understand how so many people think seeing a random reaction clip after this animation is funny. I am about ready to blow the fucking brains out of my head if I see this “meme” one more fucking time.

furr: jesus 

pvp god: i hope that was a lesson learned

pvp god: one time he spammed wilbur’s phone with that and it crashed

little innit: never underestimate the power of  **_S E L L F O O T_ **

music man: ????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before you send hate, all this shit's a joke and i'm afraid of a misunderstanding since some of the content in this chapter is mildly questionable
> 
> there is no plot in this chapter, past the baking competition close
> 
> comments + kudos keep me rolling!


	5. green man: i never finished that piss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i spedran this chapter

green man: when you

furr: ???

little innit: the laws of the universe are but a joke to me

music man: shut up and do your homework

little innit: no

toob: tommy :(

little innit: fine

toob: :)

arson: i ain't never seen two pretty best friends

me gusta: always one of them gotta be ugly

me gusta: it’s tommy

me gusta: tubbo is a godsend

toob: :D

little innit: YOU BASTARD QUACKITY ILL HAVE YOU JKNOIEDJSKJNM

green man: tommy is dead?

pvp god: unfortunately no

little innit: my feelings. gone.

if the crown fits: do you want a hug

little innit: usually i would refuse because i hate contact but yes i do

toob: :(((

toob: can i join

little innit: yes

if the crown fits: finna beat up some big kids rn

pvp god: not ranboo nooooo my one weakness

if the crown fits:  📮📮 📮 📮 📮📮 📮 📮 📮 📮 📮 📮 📮 📮 📮 📮 📮 📮 📮 📮 📮 📮 📮 📮 📮 📮 📮📮 📮📮📮 📮📮 OMG GUYS🤯🤯🤯!!!! THE MAILBOX IS AN IMPOSTER📮😂🤣🤣🤣😳!!! HE IS SO SUS!!!! (THIS IS A REFERENCE TO THE POPULAR MOBIL AND COMPUTER GAMG AMONG US) 🤣🤣😳😳😂😂😂😂😝😝😝📮😳

george #1: i am literally begging you to stop

if the crown fits: Then Beg.

carl: hey guys

carl: i might have accidentally committed a crime

music man: h

music man: how did you do that

carl: its not my fault the man tried to touch me!!! i may have killed him

carl: he isnt moving

pvp god: i am proud of you

carl: thank you but i might go to prison

green man: we will organize a prison break

little innit: can i distract the guards with my  **_s e l l f o o t_ ** tactics?

green man: you know what tommy? that might actually work

little innit: HOHOHOHO

george #1: stfu u arent santa 

music man: tommy is cussing you out rn

george #1: suffer

me gusta: what does sell foot mean

green man: yeah good question

little innit: you need enlightenment?

_ little innit added footz to the chat. _

little innit: do your thing

footz: Capitalism

footz: And also because unsatisfied lust for blood

footz: They also make good jewelry.

little innit: thank you

_ little innit has removed footz from the chat. _

me gusta: ??????

father phil: who was that

little innit: if i told you that would break the Fourth Wall™.

father phil: the what

little innit: ooga booga

toob: defelct qwesrions with monke

bicon: indeed

music man: eret? alive? never heard of it

bicon: rude

pvp god: they just have an incredibly good gaming chair

bicon: :)

purpld: hi

little innit: hi purpled

purpld: correct name usage pog

little innit: colon capital d

tepl: help

george #2: no

tepl: but geo

george #2: suffer in silence, glorified apple

tepl: :(

green man: Perish

pvp god: is this hate on tapl day

tepl: :((((((

pvp god: wait i just got a great idea

green man: No

pvp god: heck

music man: were you going to add fb to the chat

pvp god: yes

music man: you already spend 90% of your time with that man stfu

pvp god: but wilbur

music man: go touch grass, pig boy

pvp god: don't make me do it

music man: oh no

pvp god: wilbur........

music man: im sorry techno

pvp god: too late L

pvp god: I just drone struck your village.

FAQ: What does this mean? The amount of people (you) in your village and country has decreased by many.

Why did you do this? There are several reasons I may deem a village to be unworthy of existence. These include, but are not limited to:

-Harbouring of terrorists or one TommyInnit

-Possible form of government

-The people disrespected me

Am I banned from life? No - not yet. But you should refrain from committing crimes against me in the future. Otherwise I will be forced to issue an additional drone strike, which may put your family and life privileges in jeopardy.

I don't believe my village deserved a drone strike. Can you help rebuild it? Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I undo a drone strike. If you would like to issue an appeal, tell the media what I got wrong. I tend to respond to the media within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of drone strike appeals are rejected, and yours is likely no exception.

How can I prevent this from happening in the future? Accept the drone strike and move on. But learn from this mistake: your behavior will not be tolerated by the free world. I will continue to issue drone strikes until you improve your conduct. Remember: life is privilege, not a right.

music man: NOT THE GOVERNMENT ONE

pvp god: the government one

bicon: hey can anyone link some clothes to me

egirl: [clothes link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iik25wqIuFo)

bicon: thanks :)

egirl: no problem

little innit: I Can't Fucking Take It Anymore, I Am Going To Go Commit Crimes.

toob: ™?

little innit: ™.

green man: remember the one time i did irl manhunt?

me gusta: ???

music man: oh i love this story

music man: so basically dream was in a store, and he apparently did  _ something _ and got the cops called on him, so he ran out

music man: mans ended up leading the cops on a four hour chase, and in the middle of it, he stopped to take a piss, sending this group chat “gonna piss rq”. he was already updating us as he went, and this was hilarious.

music man: apparently the cops find him in the middle of his piss so he quickly pulls up his pants, running away as he texts us “piss unsuccessful”

music man: he ended up in puffy’s house and the cops gave up

me gusta: i

me gusta: what

green man: i never finished that piss

music man: what

green man: gonna piss rq

arson: oh no not again

little innit: parental figure

father phil: problem child

little innit: do we have school this week

father phil: no, sapnap burned a section of the school on accident

father phil: accident my ass i know what controlled arson looks like

father phil: i have three kids

pvp god: you have more kids emotionally

father phil: yes but three kids legally

father phil: if we counted emotionally it would be pretty much everyone here lol

toob: sam sends his condolances

music man: yeah

niki: sam are you good

toob: he says yes

toob: i gaev him ghug

little innit: ghug

pvp god: ghug

skpepey: ghug

green man: ghug

arson: ghug

music man: ghug

father phil: ...

toob: phil no

father phil: ..ghug

toob: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> join da discord >:( pleas and thaks
> 
> also please comment and give kudos they give me motivation
> 
> can you figure out who 'footz' is? it might not be who you think :)


End file.
